Maybe...just maybe
by shinigamibunny
Summary: Duo reflects while in a holding cell after the Maxwell tragedy. Cursing, and attempted suicide


Here I am! Hehehe, I felt like writin' some Gundam Wing stuff. This takes place when Duo is in the holding cell after the Maxwell Tragedy. If you haven't heard/read/been told anything about Duo's childhood, it might be tough to understand. I don't own Gundam W. Not at all. I wrote this in 20 minutes in summer school, I'm awfully decently proud of it. And, is it called the Federation or the Earth Sphere alliance? I forgot, I'll just use Federation.   
Maybe I left room for a sequel, but this is supposed to be a one-shot ficcie.   
~*~  
  
  
Duo Maxwell sat in his holding cell. He had lost count of the days he had been in there, it wasn't like it mattered. In one hand, he gently touched his chestnut braid. Remembering how Sister Helen had braided it instead of cutting it all off, with her soothing touch. He hated the Federation, even though he wasn't supposed to hate. He hated them for causing the wars, making him an orphan, and killing everyone he loved. One leg was tucked up to his chin, and the other stuck out in front of him. He wore his preacher outfit, and his dirty black hat was on his head, pulled over his eyes. A cold plate of food was before him, dirty utensils on it.   
  
The cell was dirty, and substances streaked the walls that Duo didn't want to know of their origin. If he did, he would probably snap and go crazy. The only good thing about the cell was that there was no vermin. It was an uncomfortable place, hardly any light pouring in. The worst torture is being by yourself. That way, you eventually think about your past mistakes, having nothing else to do. It gnaws at the soul and the sanity. And Duo really didn't have much sanity left to spare.   
  
'Why was I spared? Why did everyone else have to die?' Duo thought, feeling the luke-warm tears fall from his eyes and onto his cheeks. They ran down his cheeks partially before they were cut short by the back of Duo's hand brushing them away roughly. Duo felt as if his parents had been killed when Father Maxwell and Sister Helen were killed. Father Maxwell was like a true father, and Sister Helen acted as a gentle mother.   
  
Around his neck hung a silver cross, a cross that he was given after the Maxwell Tragedy. It was given to him by another priest, the priest telling Duo how Father Maxwell loved him like a son, and wanted for him to have the necklace. Duo took the cross, and felt the hate and rage boil inside of him for what happened. He then wondered why God did such things out loud, the priest looking shocked. He ran out of the cathedral, and was caught by the Federation, and thrown into the dank cell he was currently in.   
  
'Why did they have to die? I've chanced Death too many times, but never died! Why couldn't if had been me to be killed? Why?!' Duo, angered by his thoughts, punched a wall. A rusty nail happened to be poking through the wall, which dug into his ivory skin when he. He cursed when he felt the nail entered, and removed his hand, a wet noise being heard from the nail exiting the wound. He held the side of his hand before his face, and watched the drops of crimson blood fall on the floor, creating delicate splatter patterns. The splatter makings mixed in with the dirt on the ground, deforming some of the splatter marks.   
  
'It seems like everything I touch, dies.' Duo thought as he shook his head. He then remembered a day at the Maxwell Church when he went to school. He wore his Priest's outfit, and wasn't too happy about going. But Father Maxwell and Sister Helen reassured him, and he went on his way. He was teased at school because he "smelled dirty". 'Kids can be so cruel at time...' He got into a fight and injured some of the cruel children, even sending a few to the hospital. He rushed back to the Church, and met Sister Helen. She asked him why he did such a thing, and he told her his motive. She then gave him a hug, and comforted him  
  
Not too soon after that, he sat on Father Maxwell's lap before Sister Helen. They were all having a discussion about God and war. Duo had pointed out that all he had seen in his life was war and bloodshed. And then, he continued to mention Shinigami, being the only God he believed in, because he couldn't believe in a God that would allow cruel things to happen to people whom believed in him. 'Maybe...just maybe...I am the cause for the death of everyone...'  
  
One day at the Maxwell church, Duo was playing around outside. He was adopted a few times, but the people who adopted him always brought him back to the Church, claming lame excuses over and over. While all of the children were adopted and never brought back to the Church, Duo and a few others were the exception.  
  
The same day, a couple came to the church, hoping to adopt a young girl They say Duo running around, and thought him to be a girl. With his thick chestnut hair, thick black lushes, soft features and wide sparkling violet eyes, he certainly passed to be a girl by features. The couple was appalled to find out that Duo was really a boy, courtesy of Father Maxwell and Sister Helen. The couple then preached a passage from the bible, saying that it was a sin for boys to have long hair. Duo felt hurt and cried after they left, even though Sister Helen did comfort him. 'Maybe...just maybe...I am the cause for the death of everyone...'  
  
Duo stared down at the cold plate of food before him, and studied the utensils. He picked up the silver knife, and poked the tip of his finger to see if the blade was sharp enough. Crimson fell down from the tip of his finger and streaked the blade. The knife was unusually sharp; they must have just got done sharpening them. 'Pretty sharp...' He ran his finger down the blade to see if it was as sharp as he thought, and sliced his finger open. Blood came out of the wound, and started to cover his hand. 'I always was an easy bleeder...Very sharp.' He clutched the handle of the knife with his bloody hand, and slashed his left wrist.   
  
The wound opened, and blood began to seep out. It poured from the wound, and pooled up below his wrist on the ground. The blood got on the tip of his braid, and Duo maneuvered his beloved hair away from the blood. He remembered how he heard someone say that suicide was a sin, and that the person would burn in hellfire and forever have the stench of brimstone if they tried or succeeded. 'How does anyone know that there's a heaven or a hell, so it doesn't really matter. I've sinned enough; I'll never be able to make up for what I've done. Because of these mistakes, a whole church had to die!!'  
  
He put his back against the wall, shaking his head more tears of sadness flowing down his cheeks. He wiped them away, leaving streaks of bright crimson in place of his tears. 'I went and got that damn MS for those bastards. We had a deal! And instead of defending the church, the church was completely destroyed! They could've fought better for them! A holy place was destroyed because of their mistakes! I hope that those people are all burning in hell right now!'   
  
Duo laid his wrist on his upper thigh, and stared down at the opened wound. It wasn't a fatal slash, and a few tears fell from his violet eyes and splattered on the opened wound. 'There can't be a God. The kind God that Father Maxwell preached about being our Savior was supposed to be forgiving and merciful. What kind of God would allow his own followers to be slaughtered? He's not supposed to be an executioner!'   
  
Duo felt like he was about to pass out from all the thoughts. Maybe the wound he had caused had lost too much blood; he was feeling light headed, so he shut his eyes. 'The only true God has to be Shinigami. Whenever Shinigami does his job, I seem to be there. The Christian God and beliefs can't be true! They couldn't do such a thing as killing a mass of people if they were supposed to be so righteous and pure.'  
  
'Maybe...just maybe...I am the cause for the death of everyone...maybe...just maybe...I am Shinigami. That's right, I am. I am Shinigami. I am Death.'  
  
  
  



End file.
